It ain't just a river in Egypt aka the Linus syndrome

Denial can be a pretty powerful thing. It's a natural reaction to an unpleasant situation and in the moment, it can feel like a good thing. After all, if it's not that bad, you can keep on living your life. "My loved one isn't really that sick. They're going to be okay. ""My friend is ignoring my calls and blowing me off but it's not a big deal.  She's just busy right now. " "Yes my pastor tells me what I should wear and what kind of music to listen to but it's only because he cares about me and wants me to be close to God." I really can't stand liars and one of the things that I have come to terms with, is that for a very long time, I was lying to myself. For years, I was so deeply entrenched in the Fundy world, that I lied to myself that it was all for my own good. I would get so defensive when people on the outside would question as to why we "had" to wear certain clothes. I would stumble and stammer, trying to explain, but the truth is, I never really understood. It was never explained to me honestly. It was explained, but it was twisted and distorted, using scripture taken out of context. Looking back, I'm sure I sounded foolish,doing all those contortions and gyrations,trying so hard to defend something I didn't really understand. One of the things I have learned in counseling, is to acknowledge and recognize things for what they are. Denial is like a security blanket and it can be very hard to let go of that blanket. Once you give up that blanket though, you find it's much easier to function, not having it in your hands all the time. I slept with a security blanket until the night before I turned eleven years old. By then, my blanket was little more than a scrap. It was so full of holes and so ratty and stained, it barely resembled a blanket. I decided on my own, to give  it to my mom and I never slept with it again. I never again had to worry about dropping it in the middle of the night, or getting tangled up in it or throwing up on it when I was sick.  Just as I felt when I gave up my blanket, I no longer have to lie to myself or try to justify something I don't understand. It's a pretty good feeling!