Bent but not broken

I had an interesting experience this week, sort of a breakthrough. A friend of mine posted an article about sexual abuse in Independent Fundamental Baptist churches. It was very intense but not surprising. After some of the things I experienced when I was there, there was nothing in the article that was new to me. What really struck a nerve was that I recognized all the names of the pastors and the churches etc. I have either met them in person or heard them preach or at least heard the name because no matter how much they pride themselves on being "independent ", Fundy world is a small world after all . Initially, I wasn't going to comment at all but I did say that I wasn't surprised and I would probably ruffle feathers if I said what I wanted to say so I was going to back out of the conversation. My friend who posted the article, and a friend of hers, both encouraged me to express my opinion. I generally try to avoid Facebook drama like the plague because it never e...

I had never heard the term "spiritual abuse " until just over a year ago. When I first heard about it, to me it almost sounded overly dramatic but as I have researched it and also dealing with my own experiences, I realize it really is abuse. Last night, I was chatting with an online friend who is getting out of an abusive marriage. I started explaining to her a little bit of my experience with our former church and it hit me how many parallels there are in an abusive relationship and a spiritually abusive church. The manipulation, use of fear and guilt, the gaslighting ,the lies and isolation are all there. It just manifests itself in different ways. My friend was asking how she could have let this go on so long when she knew she was being used and manipulated .I told her it's amazing the tricks your mind plays on you when you're in an unhealthy situation and the lengths you will go to in your head to justify all the bullshit.  My friend said "You get it. You re...

I recently ran into someone from our old church and she was asking me about my husband's job. I told her where he was working and how much better it is than his old job at the steel mill. She pointed out how things worked out for the best after the lockout. She was so right. My husband and I talked about that a couple of months ago. While I wouldn't want to go through that again, I think it was the reset button that we needed. We were in such a constant turmoil and him being locked out of work was the final straw in the worst year of our lives. Since then, a lot of good things happened, new jobs, new friends, etc. which never would have happened if it wasn't for the lock out. Looking back ,we needed to just blow everything up and start from scratch. It's funny how you can look back at a horrible situation and see the good that came out of it.

It never ceases to amaze me how much I've changed but what's really weird is when I run into someone I used to go to church with ,and  they've also done a complete 180. There are a few people that I used to work with in the church nursery and other ministries, and we now run into each other at bars and talk about smoking weed and getting drunk. Some of these people don't really surprise me that they've gone the opposite direction but some people, I never would have thought they'd end up where they're at. I'm sure a lot of people think that about me. Not that I care but it's just something that crosses my mind occasionally. I said to my husband the other day that I wonder if these other people who have experienced a similar metamorphosis, have really changed or if they were always like that but kept it inside. He said it doesn't really matter, it is what it is. Whatever the reason, I'm just glad we're at this point and not where we were 5 ...

It's been about a year since I made the difficult decision to quit my job. I had been struggling with it for a while and unfortunately it took being screwed over by someone I THOUGHT was my friend to finally get me to push the button. It was not the way I wanted to leave, but as I said to one of my former coworkers this afternoon, that was the push I needed to finally quit. When I quit, I didn't realize how stressed out I was until I wasn't anymore. I had become so accustomed to the stress, that it felt normal.  I took 6 months off and didn't work at all. If I hadn't quit, I would never have found the job I have now, which is a job I love!  My coworker and I have a little running joke. Whenever we start to get frustrated, I remind her that she isn't at Target anymore and she reminds me, I'm not at AVH anymore. It helps put things in perspective. Oh and this afternoon, I found out a little interesting post script.  The final straw for me to quit was my former...

My oldest son graduated from high school 3 days ago. Looking back at the last 18 years, it's been one hell of a rollercoaster ride ,with so many twists and turns and ups and downs. Our lives 18 years ago are unrecognizable compared to where we are now .My son didn't have the easiest time during his high school years and there were times when I questioned whether we would ever see this day. I'm so proud of him for not letting his experiences completely break him. Most people don't have any idea about what he has been through. Only a few people know even a fraction of it. Having to put on a brave face and push the pain deep down inside has taught him that he is stronger than he thinks and he can get through whatever comes his way. Actually that's something we've all learned but I have really noticed a change in him particularly in the past 2 years. There has definitely been some growth and maturing that has taken place and I am looking forward to seeing where life...